| Chain Reaction! |
[Jan. 23rd, 2007|03:21 pm] |
I don't post in here much anymore, but I figure I'd let you all know that I'm going to be on TV.
Johnny, myself and Mike aced our audition to be on the game show "Chain Reaction."
And we do our show on Feb 20th. Lemme know if you wanna come, 'coz I gotta give names for free tickets.
S'gonna be fun, homies! |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 7th, 2006|03:43 am] |
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Ora ora ora ora ora ora ora ora ora ora ora ora! |
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| What the fuck? |
[Feb. 28th, 2006|09:39 pm] |
Entry? Yeah. Emo? Probably.
I've come to a stop in my life's fast paced flow of fun stuff happening and not letting it get to me.
It all came crashing into me as soon as I stopped going to school.
Why did I stop going to school?
I don't know. I convinced myself that it was for the better of me to do this so I could possibly pick up another job and get more money.
What did I do? Nothing.
I sat here. On this computer. Playing a game.
Working my shit job at Best Buy. Like 4 times a week. at like 4 hours a time.
Then it got less. And less. And less.
More time on the computer, doing nothing.
I'm really not doing anything right now.
I'm just a big loser.
It was fine and dandy until recently I broke down pretty hardcore.
Crying and shit.
What the fuck? Dan crying? Could that be possible? Yeah. I cried.
It was over a dream I had. About my dad.
I won't go into details, but it seriously pissed me off to the point that I had to cry about it after I came home from work.
It's really all his fault. All of it. I wouldn't have to be such an asshole if he just didn't do what he did, if he wasn't such a piece of shit who sends 50 dollars a week for 2 kids as child support.
If he was just there.
I kinda wish he was dead and I never knew who he was or never got child support in the first place because it was like there's this little glimmer of hope that he'll send more money or he would possibly be there for when I Grew up. But no. Nope. Nigga's still in New Jersey in his one bedroom apartment driving a mercedes benz and could "only afford 50 dollars a week."
Bullshit. Fucking bullshit.
My mom raised me and my sister by herself and 50 a week is barely grocery money. Not even close. Maybe half or a quarter of it.
For the first time ever in my life I have contemplated suicide.
It only crossed my mind for a split second. And I thought to myself, it really wouldn't be that bad.
I'm not suicidal on any level.
I'm just tired of the way I'm living.
So very tired.
I need a drastic change...I need to go back to school. but I can't.
I don't have the money to and now I'm forced to work mon-fri 5am-WHENEVER and not even have weekeneds to myself becuase of shit I have to do.
I have to live my life this way becuase of that asshole who didn't do jack shit for his kids and I had to depend on living with my mother and sister for my entire life on her salary of being a secretary.
There are people out there who have it a lot worse than I do, but frankly, I don't give a shit.
Seriously, whenever now that I hear people go "Oh well you could be on the street..." Yeah, no shit. I could. But I'm not. My life still sucks.
I see most of my friends having it so easy. 2 parents, plenty of cash, they can go do whatever they want, their own car, their own schedules, their own paths that they can CHOOSE to do what they want.
I have no CHOOSING. I'm forced to do what I have to to survive.
This is so retarded.
Life just isn't what it used to be.
There's so much stuff I regret, there's so much stuff I wish I did.
There's so much stuff I want to do, but I can't because I HAVE to keep living the way I am.
And there seriously is no light at the end of this tunnel.
I don't see any cash out of my paycheck of working my ass off at 2 jobs becuase it goes straight to my mother to pay the bills.
Nothing.
In the month or some shit that I've moved to this new place I have not seen 1 dolla r out of all the paychecks that I've earned. It all goes to paying the bills, all the bills, rent, electricity, cable, phone, all of which I b arely use because the one thing I would use to get away from it all, this fucking computer which has been my goddamn source of bullshit and solace from all around me, is in my fucking sister's room.
So when I come home with 2 hours left before I have to go to sleep and get up to work I can't even go on this fucking thing half the time because she's on it.
It's not in my room because she has to "teach herself" in some independent study classes but everytime I see her on this thing she's on AIM or playing the Sims 2.
I need to do something now.
I gotta.
I'm so fucked up it's beyond repair.
I'm looking through my phone book and there is not one person I could call to talk about this shit with, so I post it on an electronic journal and hope someone out there will read it with a serious notion and fuckin' go Oh look at the crybaby, or Aw, he has it rough, or ROFL FAG! ...I just really dont care anymore, and for me to fuckin' type like this something is seriously wrong.
I really hate who I've become, and I hate who I'm destined to be and I hate how there's really nothing I can do to alter this fate.
I'm going to be living in my same apartment...in the fucking living room...giving money to my mom...t obarely make ends meet..
Fuck moving out, fuck getting out of long island, fuck doing whatever the fuck I Want to do.
IT just cant be possible...and this is what kills me.
Because there's that one glimmer of hope that I could just somehow get away, go abandon my family and get a bullshit job and an apartment by myself wher eI could just rot away and barely survive there...
And it's all because of that motherfucker who I'm made of.
It just ...fuckin..
Grinds my Gears.
I should just go join the army or something.
I really look at shit and I go "Yeah, I Wouldn't mind throwing my life away." Like I'm not even scared of death at all.
It'd be a nice escape, I think. I could die and just stop worrying about everything and how life blows.
But then there's my family and friends who wouldn't like that.
Then there's out there who would.
I'm just so spent. |
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| I don't normally believe in these things but... |
[Jan. 13th, 2006|12:42 pm] |
AUGUST:
outgoing personality. takes risks. feeds on attention. no self control. kind hearted. self confident. loud and boisterous. VERY revengeful. easy to get along with and talk to. has an "everything's peachy" attitude. likes talking and singing. loves music. daydreamer. easily distracted. Hates not being trusted. BIG imagination. loves to be loved. ~Best sex partner anyone could ask for ! hates studying. in need of "that someone". longs for freedom. rebellious when withheld or restricted. lives by "no pain no gain" caring. always a suspect. playful. mysterious. "charming" or "beautiful" to everyone. stubborn. curious. independent. strong willed. a fighter.
Word.
Especially the sex part. |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 26th, 2005|07:41 am] |
Happy Holidays from your favorite semi-black man.
Whatever. |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 15th, 2005|11:01 am] |
Sorry that I barely update, but I don't need to write in my LJ to keep my sanity.
It's far from gone. |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 29th, 2005|12:45 am] |
So, got a girlfriend who I see like 1-2 times a week.
Still working like a bastard.
School starts on Tuesday.
No life.
WoW it up a lot.
Johnny and Joerob have it.
Burning Blade server if anyone is gay enough.
Agrade the Tauren Druid. God, I'm clever.
I rule at competetive video games.
And I'm tired.
Peace it. |
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| Quack! |
[Aug. 14th, 2005|09:48 am] |
So, yeah. I donno why I even still have this thing since I never use it.
Still work at Country Fair.
Still playing WoW.
50 Undead Rogue on Warsong and now since EVERYONESGETTINGITFINALLY I get to start over on a new server. Quacktacular.
So, I pretty much work, sleep, play WoW and occasionally</font> go out every so often in between the first three.
That's about it, really.
Oh, yeah. I also rapped the Fresh Prince of Bel-air at a Sweet 16. Happy birthday, r0x. |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 21st, 2005|02:35 pm] |
I haven't updated in a while because I suck.
I still work at Country Fair, it's good and fun and I work al ot but it's easy work. So I ain't complaining. I play WoW. ANNNNNNNND Tekken 5. I wanna get like 90,000 games. I did some research on next gen systems like PS3 and the new nintendo and I can't wait for it to come out so I can spend all my munny from fighting Heartless to buy these wonderful games. I want the new Zelda too...at least now I can have an excuse to use my Gamecube. I also heard that they're coming out with a new Super Smash Brothers for the new Nintendo with online capability. That'd be pretty fuggin sweet.
I play a lot of video games. Ah well! :D |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 24th, 2005|02:47 pm] |
Island 16 = quit.
Country Fair = Yes.
8 an hour and working with Johnny. Hell yeah, negroes. |
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| D-Demo Gai Sensei! |
[Apr. 22nd, 2005|01:25 am] |
I'd write some super long winded thing about this current situation...but I just don't have the energy or the drive to do it.
Brian - I'm sorry that you like hate me now because I've associated with Sami. I can't help it. I'm her friend. And if you're seriously going to drop me over who I'm friends with, regardless if you hate her with a burning passion, it's my problem and not yours. If you called me one of your such awesome friends and just drop it over this girl that you hate so much, fine. But you have your facts wrong and the fact that you sat there in front of me today in college and pretty much told me you forgave me and we talked like normal and you showed me those Naruto themes...and then you just...drop me like that and leave me those messages? I can't take it. If you really are going to drop me like that, then fine. It was awesome being your friend and it really like breaks my heart that you don't like me anymore, but that's something I guess I'll have to learn to live with.
Ness = I don't even know what to say though...'coz we still gotta talk in person. I don't even know what to think right now either because this week has been pure hell for me and I really don't think I'm in any right state of mind right now to even talk to anyone from this whole deal face to face.
Sami - You don't even read this, so I don't even know what I'm even devoting something like this to you. I'm sorry that I told you I can't talk to you anymore, but that's just how it had to be, but now I'm left with like nobody and it's not like I can just be like "Oh, since my friends hate me now we can be friends again!" Because that's just dumb and retarded. Our friendship was shortlived but I liked it. You're a good person and you just need someone to help you out. I guess I tried just a bit too hard to be that person.
As for everyone else...Thanks.
If I was an emo goth fag I probably would kill myself right now. I don't think I've ever been this depressed in my fucking life. |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 4th, 2005|08:49 am] |
I just kicked those Grapes ASS.
Anyway, I have college. Spring Break is over and it was a much needed vacation from the shit I've been going through.
Too bad it starts up again like...now. But it's all good. I-CON's in like 4 days and I'll have me some fun again.
Plus, school's almost over for the summer..sort of.
Hope it goes by quick. I wanna go back to lazy summer. |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 29th, 2005|03:47 pm] |
Sup niggas.
Yeah, I haven't updated in like 90 years and a day, but who gives a nut. I do! :D
Well, not much different has happened since I last wrote. Or just nothing I care enough to update about. I'm still going to college, working when I do and chillin' like a str8^ gangstar.
Uh...I've been playing Resident Evil 4 and I'm enjoying it muchly. :D Arigato Vanessa for letting me borrow it so I don't have to pay teh munny.
And uh I play World of Warcraft in my spare time and I'm enjoyin' that stuff as well. Shit's mad gettison.
Errrrm...s'bout it. I still rock an'shit. So, I donno what else to say. I don't complain about my life too much. ^_^ so, tune in next time.
...Ya. |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 27th, 2005|12:50 am] |
Oh yeah, so as I came home today really pissed and shit, I took a nap for about an hour and my mom had noticed me being pissed. (Probably because I threw my shit all over the place as I stormed up the stairs and screamed at my sister for being on the computer and not getting a job. ^o^)
So, as my mom came to check up on me ...in a bout an hour and a half, she asked me what was wrong and I pretty much vented everything that was pissing me off about my life in my half-asleep stupor.
About Deanna not getting a fucking job.
About me not seeing any money out of my paycheck.
About why the fuck you say we're all poor and can barely afford rent.
About how she gets on my case about making no money.
About how she threatens why I don't see any money on that I couldn't afford to live on my own.
About how she tells me THAT fuckin' shit while Deanna STILL doesn't have a job.
About how the fuck I'm forced to do everything by myself with no help, pay for my own gas, buy my own clothes, never getting presents on christmas or birthdays because of how we're so fucking poor.
About how my dad fucking sucks and why the fuck she didn't just go to the court and demand more money from him.
About why the fuck I just have to live like this and force myself to shape my mindset into thinking things can only get better.
About why she thinks I'm such a psycho when clearly it's either a ploy for attention or I'm just trying not to scream at her about how much my life sucks.
About how I hate myself for complaining all the time and sounding like an angsty ass bastard.
About how cold it was in my room.
Just figured I'd like to let you all know that for little reason. This is an update about my life and all, isn't it?
She pretty much said nothing and went downstairs to make me some dinner. jeah. |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 27th, 2005|12:43 am] |
Now that that's off my chest. You really should listen to your own advice and stay out of business that isn't yours. ^_^
we've already worked out what needed to be worked out, so maybe you guys should be the ones to drop it.
And now I'm tired. I'ma go masturbate and go to sleep.
Geemu Oba Daa! |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 26th, 2005|11:02 pm] |
Fuck friends, y'know?
Goddamn it.
AUGUST:
Loves to joke. Attractive. Suave and caring. Brave and fearless. Firm and has leadership qualities. Knows how to console others. Too generous and egoistic. Takes high pride of oneself. Thirsty for praises. Extraordinary spirit. Easily angered. Angry when provoked. Easily jealous. Observant. Careful and cautious. Thinks quickly. Independent thoughts. Loves to lead and to be led. Loves to dream. Talented in the arts, music and defense. Sensitive but not petty. Poor resistance against illnesses. Learns to relax. Hasty and trusty. Romantic. Loving and caring. Loves to make friends .
Too generous is right. Fuck you guys. Hard.
I just won't care about anyone's life anymore. I'll just stay to myself and just fully complete my ASSHOLE image.
Fuck. You.
Sorry for EVER being there for you. Since that's all I ever did.
I never did anything bad to him, nor was I planning to.
I'm not a typical guy who WOULD either.
You are the only ones who thought bad that I'd go over there, that it was so messed up and all. You're the ones with the fucking sick minds in the gutter that would even think that.
I did, somewhat, but I figured I'd give her a chance. Obviously I'm not allowed to have faith in people anymore either.
I don't appreciate at all on any level having 15 different people come up to me and constantly remind me of how WRONG I AM FOR CARING ABOUT SOMEONE'S RELATIONSHIP AND HIS WELL-BEING.
But whatever. I'm such an asshole that in the morning none of this will phase me.
So, I'm getting it all out in the form of text on an online journal that I know everyone will eventually read.
I usually don't let things get to me, but when you poke fun at something I care about a lot, ie. my friends, then you've crossed the fucking line.
You don't even know what happened, you don't even know her and you're just a fucking asshole.
So, in conclusion, thanks for making me hate people even more than I did before.
Obviously I can't trust my own friends anymore. |
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